I have even noticed how some whether stay, in a losing battle of a relationship. Once was told: I rather stay with a person I knew the longest, than to try and find someone new. Wow!!! This was spoken by a person, who was getting abused, particularly everyday. Coming to work with knots on the face, but still loved and wanted to stay anyways. I never stayed long enough for physical abuse. I leave quickly, before the physical abuse was produced or transpired. Once a person hit another one time, it will always be another time. Since your staying with them, means you like how the treatment is.
My abuse is mental and emotional. I tend to stay wrapped around: the coulda, woulda, shoulda, mentality. Wondering if I coulda been patient enough, maybe it woulda worked out. Or I shoulda tried to take back my decision, to end the relationship; it might have worked this time. It never does. Once you take back, the innocence of the beginning, isn't available to get back. It was destroyed, when the letting go was given. My fault is I hold onto the past, more than focusing on the future.
Oh, he was so nice to me, why did I ever let him go: I always think. He was such a perfect gentleman: at the time I think. He gave me some of his time: is always on my mind. If only: I always think when I'm lonely. He could be right here, next to me: I seem to always see. Him and I: I start to cry. Why, Lord, why: as I dry up my eyes. Was he the one you sent: I take precious time spent. Was it me, that's why it couldn't work: always making myself out to be a jerk. Maybe I'll give this one more try: I never stop when I sigh. Just write or call him: when all around me seems dim. I will try to see if there something, still there between us: I fuss. He's probably not with anyone: this is how all the problems begun.
If you let someone go, it was for a good reason. We all make it out to be our fault, never the other person. This is how old feelings start to dictate: where did we go wrong in the past: we all think. Never trying to see the wrong in the other person. Just looking at the glass half full. The other person has gone on, never calling, writing, or attempting to converse. Just ourselves sitting around to rehearse. Old messed up lines, we thought we made or did. When in reality, the other person isn't even letting us cross their mind.
Some get married, start a family. While we're on the sofa, reminiscing on a life; now past away. Always a song, that came on at the right time, when in love. The moment you looked into each other's eyes and said those words: I love you. Now that makes everyone think: maybe the other person truly did? Why did I screw it up: you always question yourself? Was I really that blind, I couldn't see the love between us? Why did I have to see him on top of her? Or maybe he was too busy to write a line or two, in response to my emails? Time is money and he does live far, he couldn't call me? These questions will never fail, in keeping thoughts caught up in time.
I have played the same broken record, of being caught up in the past thoughts. Never looking ahead for a fresher and better thought provoking pattern. Just me, feeling sorry for myself, and taking the past right with me; to feel even worst. I start feeling sorry for what decisions I made. Start thinking of a future we could have had. I mean: just a complete fantasy world. Until a reality Man comes by, I let him pass right on by. Since so many tears, hid him from focus of my eyes. Jesus said, "And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God'-Romans 12:2. If only I could meditate on the Word of God, than my past mistakes or right decisions. Maybe my future would seem much brighter.
We are equipped to progress with life, not regress. The regression is a common decision on our weaken flesh decision. Regression, literally means: going backward. The devil plays, where there's an easy access to a playground. He knows our fleshy weaknesses. That's why so many of us are not producing, but reducing the blessings; God has given to every man fairly. Lack of life is all in the mind, not our environment. We cause our own self destruction, by creating past construction. Trust me, I know what I'm saying, because God has said it: a lot in the Holy Scripture. We all must stop counting too much on the past. To be able to have a meaningful life to live at last.
Starting today, I'm going to work on: getting my mind and spirit healthy. Stop thinking about what mistakes, faults, letdowns, and decisions; I had to make. And start focusing on what God's Will, is making for me. It is time to refocus on the Lord and not on Man(people in general). We all have some type of position in this world: some publicly and some privately. It's just how we decide to use it, spiritually. All the past does, is manifest old things; that weren't meant to last. So now it's time to take the power back, from the past. And reinvest the energy, in making the present stronger; for the best future. There will be bumpy roads ahead and the past may catch up, but with a will to overtake the race, must start by strengthening the pace-1 Corinthians 9: 24,25(NIV)
I pray this blog is a blessing. It has and will be a journey in dealing outside of the past. We all just need to take one step at time. And the first step is always dealt, in the mind. Fear to what the future holds, keeps our present in the captured soul. The spirit must travel here and about, connecting with other spirits: conversing. If our thoughts are captured from within, we will never see what production our spirits can transcend. So we must not fear anything or condemn our anythings to death. Life is for learning, whether: GOOD or BAD. The past still had to be had and dealt with: happy or sad. Just learn from it, as we walk away from it. God bless.
